Thursday, November 27, 2008

Change of Plans

I was to go to my dad's house yesterday and stay the night. I just couldn't go and leave Reanna behind. So Sebastian and I stayed home and we are all going to my dad's today. We will be coming back tonight. Although she is 18 and a big girl now, I could not leave and have Thanksgiving without her. It just wouldn't be the same. I'm glad she is going to come with us.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

I have been feeling ok, but to be honest the last thing I want to do is be online. I come on for just a few minutes a day to check emails, etc but seriously I have been dreading it. It is just uncomfortable sitting here at my desk typing. I would use my laptop, but it is so slow. Anyway, I ordered a new laptop and it should be here soon. This way I can hopefully update more often, from anywhere in my house.

I have talked to Dr Kwong, and we are still waiting for authorizations from Kaiser, as well as some other stuff from the clinic in LA. I should hear something by Monday or Tuesday of next week.

I have had many visitors, and I thank everyone for stopping by. Roger, Tina & Nidelia came by and gave me some supplements that I have been using everyday. They really have helped with my energy level I have noticed. I'm not running marathons yet, but hopefully by New Years I will be. Then later that night Belinda and her aunt came over. Belinda gave me 2 shirts which I desperately needed. All my clothes are too big and shopping is not fun. The next day my Uncle Ralph came over with Chrissy, and also a surprise visit from my dad! I was so excited to see him. I didn't know he was coming. My mom was kind enough to make lunch for everyone! It was good. On Sunday Reyna stopped by and gave me a candle holder, with a pumpkin spice candle, my favorite for the holidays. And then Anna & Felicia came over with a WHOLE bag of new clothes for me! They went shopping and bought me tons of pants, shirts & tank tops. It was like Christmas. What did I do to deserve that? And then yesterday Rhonda came by and dropped of a ton of red velvet cupcakes. I haven't had time to try them yet, as my appetite is pretty small, but I'm sure they are delicious! And if you stopped by and I forgot to mention it, I'm sorry. Like I always say, I forgot. It happens. A lot.

For Thanksgiving Sebastian & I will be going to my dad's house. Reanna was supposed to join us, but she has tickets to the Sharks game tonight and can't go with us. So my poor baby will be home. I don't know what she is gonna do yet, but hopefully she'll go somewhere. I hate leaving her behind, but I know Anna & Fe are gonna come stay with her tonight, so at least I know she won't be alone.

My mom left home this morning. She won't be here all weekend, so unfortunately I won't be able to have any guests. It's just too much for me without anyone here helping me. So if you'd like to stop by, it will have to be after she returns, on December 2.

Thanks for all of your love and support, HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Will I Ever Feel Well?

For the most part I have my good and bad days. But it seems that lately I've been having more bad days. I rarely leave my house and I'm still in pain. Just yesterday my left leg started hurting really bad. I've just been taking the usual, Tylenol, and it hasn't been enough. So I started taking the stronger medicine, Dilaudid, and it just helps a little. It makes me feel more drowsy and lessens the pain a little, but it doesn't completely go away. I am glad though that so far it does not make me feel nauseous.

Tomorrow is a week that I have not heard from Dr Kwong. I have some questions for him, so I'll be shooting him an email tomorrow. Any new news will be posted here.

Just like last year, it is very difficult to make any holiday plans. My dad has invited me over, but I hate the fact that it's so close to the day, and I still don't know if I can make it. Then if I can, I have to stay overnight because I cannot go to/from in one day, that's just too much for me. So I don't know if Reanna can come with us because of her work schedule. I really hate not knowing what's going on from day to day and leaving others hanging.

I'm so glad that people have started coming by the house. I must say that I cannot remember everyone, as my memory is really bad. But this weekend my sis Anna was here visiting with Felicia & Lenora, and then she came back with my Auntie Linda & Jade, and then again with Anthony! It has been really nice having her around. And they know the routine already. If they want something, get it themselves because I'm not getting it for them! As hospitable as I am... ha ha... it's too much for me to get everything. They have to do it themselves. And then today Ruby & Roxanna stopped by, and it was good to hang out with them too. I hung out with them last month, and got sick the next day. I hope that doesn't happen this time :) Luckily for them, my momma was here, so they didn't have to help themselves. She served them food & drinks, I love my momma! So if you wanna be served, instead of serving yourself, come when my mom is here.

I must say I do get a good amount of emails and messages. I try to respond to all of them, but it is rather difficult. I DO READ THEM ALL. Please be patient with me and keep contacting me. One day I will get back to you. And I also said this in an email to Frances today, and I'll post it here. If you call me, keep calling. Even if you leave a message, don't expect a call back. I rarely call anyone. It's not that I don't want to call anyone, but who do I call? I've got a big list and it's easier to get a hold of me by being persistent. Don't give up. I will answer one day.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Not Much New Info

I did get a call from Dr Kwong this week, but there really isn't much to tell. He re-iterated that I did not have the correct HLA type for the Stanford clinical trial. Then he gave me three other options. He said I can start a different chemo here at his location, which has a 10-20% response. Option #2 was to do a clinical trial in DC which is extremely toxic. Everyone knows how hard of a time I have with that. Or I can try another clinical trial in LA. I opted for the clinical trial in LA. I have no other details than that at this point. He has contacted them to get me in there, and I haven't heard anything back. Once again, as soon as I know, I'll post here.

I have been in fairly good condition since my last post. Just sore again. It's not that bad, I'm just taking Tylenol for now. But I'm staying home and not doing too much. I did go shopping this week, on Tuesday matter of fact. All of my clothes are falling off of me. At first I just thought they were loose. Then when I went to see the dr 2 weeks ago, I was down 30 lbs. Yep, I was shocked too. I have been eating normal again, so I don't know why there is such a dramatic weight loss. But I'm not complaining, I haven't been this skinny in about 14 years. But my mom has been here cooking healthier meals, so that could be one reason. Well, I know another reason is that I have no muscle left in my body. I don't recall if I've posted this before, but all of the laying in the hospital bed, resting at home, etc I've really lost most of my muscle. To get up and turn over is hard and exhausting. You don't realize how much muscle you have until it's all gone. Anyway, I was happy to buy some pants that fit good. All of my pants & shirts are too big. Well, except for my new ones! I can't wait to wear them. I didn't buy too much, because my weight is always up & down, so I'm not gonna spend a fortune on a new wardrobe, yet :)

The only problem with shopping is that I was so tired the next day. I have learned that I can only do max one thing a day, and only 2 - 3x a week. If I overdo it, I really pay for it. I have had a lot of friends want to get together, and to be honest, it's quite hard. Harder than I thought. If you all don't mind, I don't mind you coming to my house. That is better for me. Even that is not easy, but I will make do! I do lay down most of the day, it's more comfy than sitting. But if you want to come by, I'll sit up for a while. I always do when Lori or my sister Anna comes over. Both of them have really helped me a lot emotionally through this. They are always both here for me when I need them. One of the things I worry about most is my immediate family, and they both always reassure me that everything will be all right.

On that note, Reanna passed her driving test yesterday. She is now a licensed driver! Drivers beware!!!! I added her to our insurance today, and of course she's already out. She just drove herself to get her nails done. She already made a wrong turn, but that comes with the territory. She'll learn the roads soon enough.

Today I went out and got a massage. I really needed it. I did a lot this week (my standards, not yours) and was feeling really beat down. I went to pizza with my hubby, the Applebaums, my sis Anna & Anthony on Monday night, then on Tuesday I went to lunch and shopping with Sebastian, then yesterday I went to lunch with my mom, Reanna & Paige. Last night my whole body was really sore, and I was really feeling it. So I picked up the phone and scheduled a massage for today. It was so good. I don't know why I don't do that more often. I think I'm gonna make a habit out of going there from now on. Don't know what to get me for Christmas? InSpa gift certificate will do... any amount... ha ha...

Thursday, November 6, 2008

No Clinical Trial at Stanford

Sally at Dr Kwong's office called me this morning. My HLA type is not in the criteria for the Stanford clinical trial. So I was not accepted. As far as the next step - Dr Kwong has had his staff send over all of my records to the Stanford oncologists. They are going to review and will hopefully take me as their patient. I do not know when I find out the results to that, but as soon as I know, you'll know!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I Remember When....

Challenger: My 8th grade history teacher, Ms. Taylor, kept the TV on the Challenger space shuttle all day. We had to watch it over & over. She told us it was going to be a big part of history.

Earthquake: I was working in the mall when the Loma Prieta hit. The walls were shaking, things were falling off the shelves and people were running everywhere. Minutes later the mall closed and it took almost 2 hours to drive 2 miles home. Everyone was safe. This was the biggest earthquake since 1906.

9/11: The radio woke me up to the news that the Twin Towers had been hit by airplanes. I immediately woke up Reanna and told her she had to watch it with me because it was going to be a part of history. We, along with the rest of the country, horrifically watched as the Twin Towers collapsed. America would never be the same.

Election 2008: I was so excited to go vote with my just-registered 18 year old daughter. No matter who won the election, history would be made. Around 7:30 pm we turned the news on so we could watch the progress of the election. At 8pm, they announced the west coast polls were closed. At 8:01 across the screen was a banner that read "OBAMA ELECTED" We were all bursting out of our skin in excitement. We watched both of the candidates speeches, and were truly proud of the outcome. I am truly proud to be an American, and a minority.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I Voted

Did you vote? I hope you did. This morning I got up and got ready. At 10am, Sebastian, Reanna & I went to the polls and voted. Words can not explain how glad I was to see my young 18 year old daughter voting for the first time. I'm so happy to share the experience with her. I know I'm raising a young lady who believes her voice can make a difference.

The good thing is, there were NO LINES! We walked right in, signed in the log and got our voting sheets. We took a few minutes to fill them out and were out of there. After that, we went to Starbucks and got our free cup of coffee!


Monday, November 3, 2008

A Little Late

I'm a little late in my posting. I dressed up for Halloween, and wanted to do a Halloween blog. But that didn't happen. I had some back pain most of the day, and as the night came it got worse. I was home alone handing out candy, and at the time my adrenaline kicked in and the pain subsided. Once the rain started and the trick - or - treaters dwindled away, the pain came back worse than ever. I called the advice nurse to get a prescription from my doctor, but they wouldn't do that. So my mom & Reanna rushed me to to the emergency room. I was in so much pain, and the wait was awful. I was in pain, sweaty, clammy and everything else you could think of and they were making me wait. Finally they called me in, and right after they did, I vomited. I was so glad I didn't do that in the waiting room. My sweatiness & clamminess went away, but the pain did not. The dr came to visit me and gave me some nausea medicine and then morphine. After that, they did a few x-rays, and of course there was nothing they could see. The dr came back again, and since the pain was not gone, he gave me a bit more morphine. Right in the middle of the dosage, I vomited again. I guess I needed more nausea medicine?

They prescribed me more pain pills, dilaudid, which is stronger than morphine. I took those upon arriving home. I took them for about 24 hours then went back to tylenol. The only thing is the nausea has barely gotten better. Today was the first time I ate something solid since Friday. And all weekend I could barely hold fluids down. I can't wait to eat regular food again. I would post my Halloween pic, but I'm lucky I'm even doing this right now. Maybe later I'll do that, and then a pic of my mom on Saturday as it was her birthday! I felt so bad because I was so sick. Sebastian picked up a cake & flowers for her on his way home from work. He is the best.