Saturday, December 20, 2008

Christmas is Coming

Christmas is less than a week a way. For a long time it didn't even feel like Christmas to me. Every year I help Paige & Reanna set up the tree, and then let them decorate it. I also love to help them put out the rest of the decorations in the house, etc. Then of course I send out cards to friends and family and go shopping for gifts with Sebastian, while hinting what I want : ) Then there's the wrapping of the presents, and deciding whose house we are going to, or if we'll even be at home. A few times we have even gone to the parade in downtown San Jose, and standing out in the freezing cold at 7am is definitely a reminder that Christmas time is coming. And all of the different Christmas parties are just spectacular. This year is much different. I did not help at all with the decorations, Reanna and Paige did all of the decorating. Then Paige & Sebastian did all of the shopping. So if you did not get a gift, it's not my fault - or if you don't like yours, don't look at me! Ha ha.. I also did not send out any cards.... so please forgive me. But as the presents build up under the tree and the cards from friends and family keep coming in the mail, it is getting to be more real. It just feels so weird to not be a part of everything that's going on around me. I feel like a hermit in my home. I'm not even making plans to go anywhere, as Thanksgiving was not as easy as I would have liked. So my plans are to just be home.

As far as my trip to LA, it was good. Of course our flight out was cancelled, so we had to wait an extra hour in the airport for the next flight. No biggie. But on the flight there right as we took off I got nauseous. It was kinda nice because they gave me ginger ale right away. And once again when I landed, I was nauseous again. So they got me a wheelchair to take me over to area where you get a cab. I asked the lady who pushed me if we can do that when we come back to leave, and she told us what to do, so that was good. On the way home we got to skip the security line! Saved us a lot of time, but then of course we were just waiting because we had gotten there early. Oh well. Right when we landed we went to our hotel and rested. I wanted to go eat at the Promenade in Santa Monica because we were right there, but was upset because I was still too nauseous. So we got up with just enough time to go to grab a fast bite and head to the clinic. Of course we go to the clinic and it's the wrong one. They have two offices, and I had the address of the wrong one. And we took a cab so we would have to wait for another one. But the lady in HR was kind enough to give us a ride due to the confusion. We finally got there and met with Dr. Hamid. At first I was a bit skeptical of what he would say or recommend. I don't know what he said or did, but I just did not have a good feeling. But when he came back into the office he had 2 different clinical trials that he was giving me the option to do. He was so certain in what him and his partners are doing in melanoma clinical trials. And the thing is, if the two trials don't work out, there are always more options. I really feel like he is the doctor for me. Both of the trials contain chemo treatments, so I know what I'm getting myself into. This is not going to be easy. Plus I'll have to be going to LA & back weekly to get the treatments. It will be a grueling time. I just pray that my body is up to this. I pray I have the strength to go through this again. The treatments will be starting in 2 to 3 weeks, it just depends which one I choose to do.

I have stopped updating this site as often as I would like to. I would like up update it about every 2 to 3 days. The only thing that's stopping me is that I really have nothing exciting to share. I hate to come here and type all of the pain I'm in, how tired I am, how much I sleep or don't sleep. There is really nothing good for me to report. I feel like I'm getting worse and worse as the days go by. The melanoma causes little black bumps under my skin that rise to the surface. It is extremely visible on my left leg. Over the last 2+ weeks there are new bumps popping up everywhere. My legs, stomach, back, arms, neck everywhere. They start small, but get bigger, especially as they rise to the surface. So far they are not visible when I'm fully dressed, hopefully they'll stay that way. Anyway, I want to hear from you. If you want me to update the good, the bad, and the ugly, I will. I just really want people to come here and enjoy it. I hate to only have bad news, then worse news. I would hate it if you started dreading reading here. So let me know what you want to see here!!!


Patton's With Passion said...

Of COURSE we want to hear from you. Even though we have not met, we are still family, and I love to support you in any way I can. Even if its just someone to "listen".

Please don't feel as if you need to sensor your updates. Telling it like it is- that's a good outlet and it helps you. If anything, we worry when you don't update.

I'm glad you got to LA and got OPTIONS. Options = hope. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, and I hope its not too rough of a journey to get there. I'm sorry you have to do chemo again :( and I hope this doctor will help it go as smoothly as possible.

Much Love,
Kate and Bryan

Linda 1 said...

Linda I use this site to keep updated on you I know how hard it is for you to take phone call after phone call and repeat everything to each person that calls I feel that if we all read this we can get the update on your treatments and how your feeling and phone calls can be saved for other conversations such as hey can we meet for dinner sometime or hey I am going to the store do you need me to pick something up for you those kind of conversations so please I beleive we want to hear the good the bad and the ugly and always remember we are here for you if you need anything

Gillian Nuttall said...

I have read your blog on a number of occasions. Sadly I lost a very good friend earlier this year and I started in his memory and to raise funds for The Christie Melanoma Research, here in the UK. Jon started to write "his story" for my site, but he didn't get that far unfortunately. You are an inspiration to us all.

Anonymous said...

Linda, sometimes telling it as you live it can be very cathartic. This is your blog and you shouldn't feel as if you have to censor it. This is the only way lots of us have to keep up with how you're doing and what you're going through. As someone else said, having to repeat the same thing over and over on the phone is exhausting so this is a great way to let everyone know all at the same time. Please know that you can reach out any time you need to. I'm usually here.

Petra said...

I say post what you feel! You never know when someone's going to stumble upon your site and feel better knowing that he is not alone because someone else feels like he does. Plus, writing can be cathartic. Let your readers help carry the load.

kaney said...

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