Sunday, February 22, 2009

How Could I Forget This?

OK, for those of you that know me, I mean really know me, know that I'm an addict. I'm an addict to these little containers that contain what many of us call sparkle crack. Yes, you got it. I have been addicted for about 5 years are so. So what exactly is this "sparkle crack?" you may ask. It is a container that contains several grams of glitter, glimmer, glimpses, sparkles, just about anything you can think of that covers your face with makeup. I first got addicted by a dear friend name Sonja about 10 years ago when she worked for the company selling me just on their 18-scented body lotion, and then she would stick in a pot or two of the make-up in there with it. After Sonja moved out of town, something got me into the makeup and I was instantly addicted. After learning more about the makeup, and finding online chat-rooms with ladies worse off then me, I became obsessed. I started to buy as much of it as I could. Then I started showing up at the mall when they would have specials, started getting makeovers, etc. Oh, then when I found out there was a customer cruise - I was there! I met a lot of cool ladies and kept in contact! Then just last year there was a weekend trip to New Orleans, LA that I could not miss. I of course made Sebastian come with me. We had a good time, if you scroll down to about April or so of 08 (I forget when) you made read about it. Anyway, point is I still chat with some of the wonderful ladies that I met last year and they were so kind. They put a call into CEO of the company, and she was so kind enough to call me at home! I was so excited to get a personal phone call from her. Thanks from all the wonderful girls that I met that have always been so kind to me! I must say, I am just so bummed that unfortunately that day was a bad day for me so I could not say much. But thanks to Leslie for the call and all of the BEautiful Addicts!

The Holiday Weekend is Over

It has kinda been one busy week. I have had a few more friends and family over than normal. I think it has been because a lot of people have been home for the holiday. I guess that's a good thing! It's been nice having a steady stream of people. I've also been been getting a good amount of time for sleep. Which has shockingly come in really handy. The extra sleep has been really helpful.

And I'm really appreciating hanging out with my friends more & more. What I like is that every one is stopping by for a variety of reasons. I want you to come by for what you want, first and foremost. Some just want to come and chat and say hi and keep the conversation's lighthearted. Others want to come and get a little more emotional and mourn a bit. Me, I'm here for you for all of that, o.k. You just come and be who you want to be, and I'll just be the same ol' me that I've always been, o.k. Or at least I'll try to be. But as for now, it's been a long day and I do need to get some zzzzzzzzz's.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Over a Year in the Works and I Missed It

The Celine Dion concert was over a year in the works, and I was unable to attend. As thousands got up and out of the house last night and attended yet another one of her sold out shows, I was home in bed doing absolutely nothing. It's not like she's my absolutely favorite artists, but she is someone who I have always wanted to see in concert. Oh well, just one more thing I'll miss.

I must stay that recently one of the most annoying things is not being able to find things on my own. I know where just about everything is, but I don't have the time, strength or energy to give the EXACT location. As much as direction as I give friends & family to find it, they still can't find it. I can't explain how frustrating that is. I also hate being bed-ridden. I wish that I could at least walk around my house just one time. I have no clue what the rest of my house looks like right now. I don't know if it's clean, dirty, filled with dog hair? Well, that I'd probably say yes :)

My pain is getting better. It's still up & down, but for the most part its down. That is a really good for now. I hope everyone has a good remaining of the weekend!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Who Knows?

Who knows how much time I have left? No one really. It could be a few days, a few weeks, a few months? But right now the pain in my body is so bad I don't know how much longer I can handle it. I wake up several times through out the night full of pain, begging and begging for some more pain meds. They just started me on the patches a few days ago, and upped the oxy-contin among some other pain meds that Sebastian and my mom have been managing. I haven't even been staying on top of them that's how out of it I've been. My food intake is also very mininal. I'm lucky if I get 3 bites of cereal. My mouth & lips are always dry and I have to force liquids. Everything going down my throat is painful.

I still read all my messages, but seriously I read them less and less, and obviously respond lesser. I hope all is doing well and please continue to keep me and my family in your prayers.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Land's End's SPF Clothing

I received a message from Land's End's that they would like to offer me and those who I come in contact with a discount on their new line of clothing that protects your skin while in the sun. The name of the line is Sun.Life and I thought you might be interested in the great deal below, which can also be used for this new line of sun protecting clothing. I wanted to be sure you were the first to know about Lands’ End 20 percent off promotion this Sunday and Monday. For two days only, Lands’ End will offer 20 percent off all merchandise (excluding overstocks, shipping and services). Simply enter the promo code and pin number below at checkout on and you will get 20 percent off your entire order. Promo code is AMERICA Pin number is 6289 (Starts 12:01 am Sunday, Feb 15th - Ends 11:59 pm Monday, Feb 16th) Please feel free to share this with your community. If you have any questions or feedback, please do not hesitate to contact me. Enjoy!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day

I hope everyone had a Happy Valentine's Day. Mine was good. Yesterday Sebastian went back to work, and I was shocked at how good my day went. In the morning I had a visitor or two, and then a social worker from Kaiser came by to meet with the family and make sure that everything is going on track for the family, physically, emotionally, etc. I think they are really helping out alot. Then I had a another visitor or so and then my nurse. So it really was a nice quiet day and I was really glad. Then all of a sudden, 5pm come along and I'm not feeling good at all. I'm in extreme pain and it won't stop. Sebastian came home and gave me some more pain meds, but those took a while to kick in. By bedtime I was good. Then I woke up this morning to get a nice gift from my beautiful daughter Reanna :) I felt so bad, this was the first year ever I did not get her a valentine gift. I don't know how I forgot to ask someone here to do that for me. I'm starting to believe what others are telling me of how good a job I did. I still have some doubts, who wouldn't, but things like this make me believe she will be o.k. Today I had a visitor or two also, and at one point I was reading a card that my cousin Tina gave me, and it was a big blur. I was getting scared and then starting looking at both Tina and her husband Josh and they were both getting blurry. That had never happened so we called the nurse and she came by the house about an hour later. She spoke with the dr and they are not sure what the problem is yet, but if it happens again to call, that it is normal for those who have brain metastasis and they will give me a medication to help it. Hopefully that is all the bad that happens to me tonight and I hope I have a nice peaceful sleep!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

No Weekend Getaway Needed

As much as I'd like to get a way for a few days on our anniversary, this year was perfect staying home (as if I had a choice?? ha ha). But seriously, it was a really nice day today. I knew I was going to have a lot going on around the house, so I tried to mentally & physically prepare for it, and it went pretty smooth. I was able to fit everything in and not be too exhausted. Actually, I must say my mom probably did most of that, keeping a schedule of whose coming & going when.

But as I sit here and think about my day, I know that wedding anniversary's are mostly for a husband/wife, at least the way Sab & I celebrate it. Well, today it seemed a lot more than that. I feel like we included a lot of our most treasured friends & family too. To start off breakfast, my wonderful husband brought me a bowl of cereal (I can only eat 3 bites anyway, so that is my breakfast of choice nowadays) and some coffee. Then while Sebastian was doing stuff, my mom helped the nurse give me a bath and clean up my room, etc. Since my dad happened to be in town, he would stop by and check up on me all day making sure I had enough of everything, and then some. And while Reanna had a day off, she made mini cup cakes and then a huge cake shaped like a cup cake :) She is so cute. Later on that night Paige came over to stay a few days with us, so that is always nice. So this wasn't our typical anniversary, but I don't know if we can ever top it. There is nothing better than spending time with family.

Happy Anniversary to my One and Only

Today is my 8th wedding anniversary to Sebastian. He is the love of my life. From the first second I saw him, I knew he was the one for me, and never second guessed. Don't get me wrong, our relationship was not perfect, but I don't know how you can get any closer to perfect than what we have. He is the most amazing husband anyone can ask for. He has always done so much for me, things I don't even ask for. If I'm tired and want to sleep in a bit on a weekday, he would get the girls up and get their lunches ready and take them to school for me. Then while at work he would grocery shop, buy household stuff as well, clean up and make dinner too. I never have to go to the bank to get money, every few mornings it's just re-filled for me, as well as my gas tank! Same with all my car work, he'll take it for a day and get it cleaned, tuned-up, the works. He does so much for Paige and Reanna all the time too. He is always there for them when they need him. As much as I'd like to say more, he doesn't know what I'm doing and is making me log off so that I get some sleep :) I'll try to finish tomorrow :)

Ha Ha, I'm back, he's vacuuming while I blog right now. What more can I ask for. He just made a pot of coffee, so I know he'll be back with a cup for me and then something for breakfast as well. He has always spoiled me more than I deserve.

This Anniversary is different though. Unfortunately we won't be on a weekend getaway to Santa Barbara, Napa or anywhere else we like to visit. Late last year we even started to make plans with the Applebaums to do a weekend cruise getaway to Mexico. Sab & I were kinda up and down because we really didn't know what my health would be like, but I guess I'm glad we didn't book the flight, or even get our passports for that matter. Yep, I do not own a passport. I've never left the US (except for Mexico & Canada when you didn't need them). Because I'll be here, at our house, just celebrating it together, well and with friends and family.

Some of my friends/family love Sebastian, some - not so much. But you know what. I love him with all of my heart. I love all of his good qualities, and all of his bad. His bad qualities take me a bit longer, but eventually I get there. For one instance, he hates when we leave the front door unlocked. He gets furious everytime. Now, I'm used to it, and so are the girls. After several years of training - 95% of the time they remember to lock the front doors. What can be so bad about that. So whether you choose to love him or hate him, I don't care. He's mine for life and that's what matters to me. I love you SEBASTIAN!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Never Gonna Know

From day to day I never know what my day is going to be like. Tuesday I had a really bad day. So Tuesday night I came online and asked a few friends to come over and cheer me up on Wednesday, if possible. And yep, Wednesday was a better day. I think I was able to hold my food down all day! And I had a good amount of company too :) But then I woke up this morning and right as I woke up I knew it was not going to be good. It just got worse from there. The good thing was that one of my nurses Dolores, came over and gave me a bath, and I even got out of bed for a few minutes too, although that was very difficult. I wasn't sure if I'd ever try that again, and I did, and yeah, it probably was my last time this time. Anyway, she washed me, changed my sheets and was going to give me a little massage, but because of the pain of getting up, I'll save that for next time.

Throughout the rest of the day I just stayed on pain meds and napped. I had a few visitors, but had to turn most of them away. I'm feeling o.k. now, I hope I don't have to turn down any visitors tomorrow. I know how hard it is for people to adjust their schedules for work, kids, etc and I really appreciate everyone doing that to visit.

I have been receiving tons of feedback, and once again - thanks to all. I would love to reply to everyone, but time does not permit. So thanks to the ones on the top of my head, Anna Hogan, Rick, Marilyn, Kathie and many many others. Your words are so kind and informative. I hold them near and dear to my heart.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Not A Good Day

Today was not a good day. I've been asleep most of the day, and every single meal has come up so far. My pain is ok, but I'm fearful of taking my medicine because I don't want to throw it up. I know I have some drops, but I didn't want to resort to those so soon. I hope I can get a little better before I start getting worse worse worse. Please continue to keep me in your prayers.