Saturday, December 27, 2008

What a Nice Christmas

I had a nice quiet Christmas this year. Unfortunately Sebastian had to work, but Anna and Felicia had come over Christmas Eve, so on Christmas morning we all woke up to open presents! We all got really nice gifts. One of the highlights was Anna got Reanna the Wii, so early in the day she opened it and we played it. It was so fun, and harder than you'd think. I think it just takes some getting used to, plus I'm not that coordinated. By next week I'll be much better. After playing with the Wii, we just hung out and watched movies all day. When Sebastian got home he opened his gifts and not too long after Lori & Fred came over to visit for a while. Of course we brought the Wii out again and they played for a while too. I love that game, I don't know why we never got one sooner. It was getting late and both Lori & Sebastian had to go to work early the next day so we called it a night. It could not have been any better, I loved hanging out with family & friends.

The day after was not as good. I woke up at 8am and was nauseous as can be. Just a few minutes later I was throwing up. That continued all day long. I could not eat or drink anything. I took my nauseous medicine @ 5am, and it is supposed to last 8 hours, but obviously it did not work at all. So once again I could not take my pain medicine because it would not stay down. I was in pain all day long. My dad came over first thing in the morning, and I could not even see him for the first few hours after he got there. I was just in my bed resting. Around noon I was able to get out of bed and I went and laid down on the couch. I stayed there all day, just resting and sleeping. About 8pm the pain was unbearable, so I went back to my room. Sebastian gave me another nauseous medicine and I tried to take more pain meds. I still wasn't holding it down. Around 9:30 the pain was really bad, so I thought I'd try again. This time it stayed down. I was able to sleep through the night! Well, I do wake up every 4 hours to take more medicine. So far today I'm holding my medicine down, I think I'm gonna try and eat breakfast in a bit. Wish me luck, I'm hungry!!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Silent Treatment

Lately I've been having to give everyone the silent treatment. I really hate it. If I talk after I eat or take medicine (which I'm always doing one of) I can't seem to hold it down. I get frustrated because you don't realize how much you talk until you can't. So if you call and I can't talk, please understand why.

What you might be accustomed to is getting the silent treatment from my husband. Don't expect that to change. That is who he is. If you came over and he stayed in our room, that is normal. It's nothing against you. He does that to everyone. So if you come to visit me, and not him, don't be offended if he does not come out and chat with you.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Christmas is Coming

Christmas is less than a week a way. For a long time it didn't even feel like Christmas to me. Every year I help Paige & Reanna set up the tree, and then let them decorate it. I also love to help them put out the rest of the decorations in the house, etc. Then of course I send out cards to friends and family and go shopping for gifts with Sebastian, while hinting what I want : ) Then there's the wrapping of the presents, and deciding whose house we are going to, or if we'll even be at home. A few times we have even gone to the parade in downtown San Jose, and standing out in the freezing cold at 7am is definitely a reminder that Christmas time is coming. And all of the different Christmas parties are just spectacular. This year is much different. I did not help at all with the decorations, Reanna and Paige did all of the decorating. Then Paige & Sebastian did all of the shopping. So if you did not get a gift, it's not my fault - or if you don't like yours, don't look at me! Ha ha.. I also did not send out any cards.... so please forgive me. But as the presents build up under the tree and the cards from friends and family keep coming in the mail, it is getting to be more real. It just feels so weird to not be a part of everything that's going on around me. I feel like a hermit in my home. I'm not even making plans to go anywhere, as Thanksgiving was not as easy as I would have liked. So my plans are to just be home.

As far as my trip to LA, it was good. Of course our flight out was cancelled, so we had to wait an extra hour in the airport for the next flight. No biggie. But on the flight there right as we took off I got nauseous. It was kinda nice because they gave me ginger ale right away. And once again when I landed, I was nauseous again. So they got me a wheelchair to take me over to area where you get a cab. I asked the lady who pushed me if we can do that when we come back to leave, and she told us what to do, so that was good. On the way home we got to skip the security line! Saved us a lot of time, but then of course we were just waiting because we had gotten there early. Oh well. Right when we landed we went to our hotel and rested. I wanted to go eat at the Promenade in Santa Monica because we were right there, but was upset because I was still too nauseous. So we got up with just enough time to go to grab a fast bite and head to the clinic. Of course we go to the clinic and it's the wrong one. They have two offices, and I had the address of the wrong one. And we took a cab so we would have to wait for another one. But the lady in HR was kind enough to give us a ride due to the confusion. We finally got there and met with Dr. Hamid. At first I was a bit skeptical of what he would say or recommend. I don't know what he said or did, but I just did not have a good feeling. But when he came back into the office he had 2 different clinical trials that he was giving me the option to do. He was so certain in what him and his partners are doing in melanoma clinical trials. And the thing is, if the two trials don't work out, there are always more options. I really feel like he is the doctor for me. Both of the trials contain chemo treatments, so I know what I'm getting myself into. This is not going to be easy. Plus I'll have to be going to LA & back weekly to get the treatments. It will be a grueling time. I just pray that my body is up to this. I pray I have the strength to go through this again. The treatments will be starting in 2 to 3 weeks, it just depends which one I choose to do.

I have stopped updating this site as often as I would like to. I would like up update it about every 2 to 3 days. The only thing that's stopping me is that I really have nothing exciting to share. I hate to come here and type all of the pain I'm in, how tired I am, how much I sleep or don't sleep. There is really nothing good for me to report. I feel like I'm getting worse and worse as the days go by. The melanoma causes little black bumps under my skin that rise to the surface. It is extremely visible on my left leg. Over the last 2+ weeks there are new bumps popping up everywhere. My legs, stomach, back, arms, neck everywhere. They start small, but get bigger, especially as they rise to the surface. So far they are not visible when I'm fully dressed, hopefully they'll stay that way. Anyway, I want to hear from you. If you want me to update the good, the bad, and the ugly, I will. I just really want people to come here and enjoy it. I hate to only have bad news, then worse news. I would hate it if you started dreading reading here. So let me know what you want to see here!!!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Going to Santa Monica

Today I'm heading out to Santa Monica. Sebastian & I will be going out there to check out the clinical trial. I'm hoping it's something that my body can handle. I'm not bringing my laptop so I will not update here until I get home, either tomorrow night or later if I can't do it tomorrow. I'll have my cell phone on me, so if you want to call me, you can definitely try!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Little Things

It's the little things that make me happy. There have been so many little things that people have done for me that don't go unnoticed.

On Thanksgiving my uncle Manuel and aunt Elisa drove over to my dad's house to visit me before they went on to celebrate their time with friends & family. It was nice to see them as I hadn't seen them since last summer and I don't know the next time that I'll be able to see them. And I am always getting lovely cards in the mail from them with well wishes. Matter of fact, I got a Christmas card from them today! It's the little things.

Every weekend my sister Anna comes by with food and new movies to watch. Lately I haven't bothered watching much movies, but it's nice that she brings them because I do get tired of TV. Yep, all I do is watch TV. I don't care if she has to work while she's here. Just her being here is nice. And she is so thoughtful. She knows what I like and she makes it happen. Right when I'm starting to get hungry, the food is already ready. She knows I hate to wait and always has it right there. She takes initiative and makes my life comfortable. I'm so spoiled by her, I hate when she leaves. I must say we have not always been the best of friends, what sisters are??? But when the the times are tough, she is right there. I could not have asked for more. Nor could I do better myself. I must say, she is a better sister to me than I am to her. I get a lot of emails saying what a good friend I am, but where I lack is my relationship with my sister. I wish there are things in the past I could have done different, but what's done is done. I love her with all my heart and always will.

My mom is here for me morning, noon and night. She keeps this house running while I'm down. She makes sure Reanna is taken care of, wakes up Paige in the morning and takes her to school & back, makes all of my meals plus dinner for everyone, does our shopping, house cleaning, and everything else you can think of. She is what keeps us afloat of our every day duties. I don't know what I'd do without her. It's the little things.

Today I got a call from my brother Raymond. I don't see him often as he's in Arizona, I only get to see him when he comes to the bay area. It's been a while so it was nice to see him last month over the holiday weekend. I was quite surprised today when he told me in our conversation how proud he was of how I raised Reanna. I hear that a lot (why wouldn't I? Just kidding....) but he really explained why. He told me that she was very good and respectful to her elders, parents, grandparents, etc and that lately he hasn't seen that out of kids her age in a long time. He said that I raised her just like my mom & dad raised us, and I must say his words could not be more kind than that. I don't know what it is in those words that made me so emotional, but I could not have been more touched. It's the little things like this that make me happy.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Good News

I finally got a call from the LA clinic today. I go there for my consult on Dec. 16th. I do not know what the treatment there will be there yet. I'll find out everything at the consult.

It's been one long week. I haven't blogged much because I really do try to put my all into my posts, and I haven't have the energy to do so. I've had a lot of company and I've been giving my all to them. It's difficult to give my all to my family and blog at the same time.

My mom left on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, and I had no one here to help me. So my sister Anna and my dad really came through and stayed with me while Sebastian & Reanna worked. It really helps to have them here because there is so much that I have a hard time doing. They make my meals for me and help to keep track of all of the medications that I'm taking. They have to write it down for me because it's so easy to forget what I took when. Then when Anna had to go to work Sebastian took off two days of work to stay home with me. So now Anna's back here, and Sab is back at work. And then my mom is coming back tonight so no one will have to miss anymore work to be with me. That's a good thing!

I really haven't left my house in days. I wasn't feeling well on Thanksgiving, and had to go lie down and nap after a while. I was glad to wake when I did, because right after I woke was dinner time! YUMMY. My brother Ray made the dinner and it was really good. I was bummed because my appetite was so small that I couldn't eat much. I barely got to taste it all. Not too long after dinner it was time to head home. I was sad to say goodbye to my family and go home.

The next day Anna came over to take care of me, and then my brother stopped by for a few hours to visit before he headed home to Arizona. It was really nice to hang out with him for a while because I hadn't seen him in at least two years. Later that evening I felt a bump behind my ear that was starting to hurt. I asked Reanna to look at it if it was a pimple or something, and she said no, it was just a bump. The next morning my dad came over to help out. He even went out of his way and put a weather sealer on our new fence. Reanna also helped him out a bit.

That night the bump behind my ear got bigger and was hurting even more. Anna & my dad made me call the dr so I made an appt for Sunday. On Sunday I went to the dr and she was not sure exactly what it was but she thinks it was a cyst. So she gave me an antibiotic and it has been helping. The pain has gone away and it has really shrunk. The only problem is, I hate the antibiotic. Keflex. It is the worst medicine ever. When I was in Riverside they made me take it 4x a day. I hated it. I cried and cried and begged not to take it. I even asked if they had one that went through the IV. The nurse told me they didn't, all they had was the one they gave me. At least she told me I was not the only person to complain about it. She said a lot of people don't like it. Yeah, and I'm stuck taking it again. I must say, I haven't stopped crying about taking it either.

I wanted to go see my dr, but I knew he would be busy on Monday due to the long weekend. So I called first thing Tuesday morning and got an appt to see him. I showed him all of the bumps that were new and just brought up other issues I was concerned about. He really didn't have much to say other than what I'm experiencing is all normal. He did run more blood work and gave me more pain meds. He told me that everything was approved for the LA clinic and that I should be hearing from them soon (which I did hear from them today).