Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Screw you too

I don't know how to go about this. Do I just leave it, or do I say something. Most, if not all, of my friends & family know that I have cancer, know I've had 2 surgeries & know that I was extremely sick during my treatment. Several friends & family have come to my aid. They have come over & clean my house, made dinners for me & my family, or just hung out for a bit. I know for a while I couldn't even eat, but my family still needs to eat. Or at least most of them have offered to, and I turned them down. But there are some people who I thought would call me, stop by, etc, and nothing. Nada. I feel like when I needed them most, they were not there. Most people know they do not need an invite to my house, just call me when you are on my block so I can let my dogs outside. But people who I'm not even close to were bringing me food, kept calling me & asking if I could eat so they could bring it, etc, calling me with support, love, etc and the ones I thought would, didn't. What do I do? Do I continue to be their friends, but back off? Do I just pretend it never happened? Do I say something? Well, right now in my heart, all I can say is "Screw you too."

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think those people suck!
NO phone call? No email? No snail mail card? WTF?
How can this be? I'm afraid these people don't really deserve to be your friends. You cannot be expected to keep up with them, when you are the one in crisis. Life is short, with friends like that....who needs enemies?
I'm just a blog lurker, but I think you deserved waaaay better!
I'm rooting for you and sending positived vibes your way!

Linda B

Sean said...

Know what you mean. Melanoma lets you find out who your friends really are. Nice to know. I'm two years post-diagnosis, and I haven't bothered with those who weren't there for me during treatment since.I'm pretty clear that life is too short.

Ellen E. said...

First, I am sorry that you (anyone) had to go through the abondonment when times got rough. I am two years cancer free, was diganosed 10/24/04 with stage III-C malignant melanoma. I too, went through surgeries, (it spread to my lymph nodes), a year of Interferon and was very very sick for 2 years. I was not sure how to handle the infux of "new" supporters and was SO shocked at the ones that just dropped off the face of the earth. My best friend of almost 20 years did not speak to me after "the call" when I told her that I had cancer. (She lives in NY, me in NC) She did call me about six months ago when SHE was getting married. So she obviously had my number. All I could think of was how to handle the call. I would have bet my life (before cancer), that she would be there for me when I was in need. She had before. Then....nothing. Not trickles of a card or a voicemail....nothing. She called when she was celebrating life. How did she know if I was even still alive? The rest is a crazy story, but sufice to say, after a teary voicemail, and a halfassed apology, it has been another six months since I have heard from her. Again. I had to let her go. It still breaks my heart. But there it is, staring me in the face: Life after diagnosis is completely different. Some people talk about a "new normal". There is nothing normal about having to recreate a social circle. About navigating relationships through the continued testing, close calls, MRI's, doctor's visits and every suspicious spot on my body. After all this, I know that I can count on a precious few people in my life. REALLY COUNT ON. And the rest are just missing out on sharing my life, celebrations, struggles and all. It sooooo sucks. But nobody asked me if I wanted cancer. Since I have been diagnosed, everything seemed to be up to fate and doctors. Friends and relationships are the things that I get to choose. I get to decide with whom I spend time. Where, when and how much I share. So, take your power, keep your chin up, concentrate on your wellness, your support and your life. The rest is just gravy. Take care of yourself and keep on trucking! A fellow melanoma warrior.

Ellen E. said...

First, I am sorry that you (anyone) had to go through the abondonment when times got rough. I am two years cancer free, was diganosed 10/24/04 with stage III-C malignant melanoma. I too, went through surgeries, (it spread to my lymph nodes), a year of Interferon and was very very sick for 2 years. I was not sure how to handle the infux of "new" supporters and was SO shocked at the ones that just dropped off the face of the earth. My best friend of almost 20 years did not speak to me after "the call" when I told her that I had cancer. (She lives in NY, me in NC) She did call me about six months ago when SHE was getting married. So she obviously had my number. All I could think of was how to handle the call. I would have bet my life (before cancer), that she would be there for me when I was in need. She had before. Then....nothing. Not trickles of a card or a voicemail....nothing. She called when she was celebrating life. How did she know if I was even still alive? The rest is a crazy story, but sufice to say, after a teary voicemail, and a halfassed apology, it has been another six months since I have heard from her. Again. I had to let her go. It still breaks my heart. But there it is, staring me in the face: Life after diagnosis is completely different. Some people talk about a "new normal". There is nothing normal about having to recreate a social circle. About navigating relationships through the continued testing, close calls, MRI's, doctor's visits and every suspicious spot on my body. After all this, I know that I can count on a precious few people in my life. REALLY COUNT ON. And the rest are just missing out on sharing my life, celebrations, struggles and all. It sooooo sucks. But nobody asked me if I wanted cancer. Since I have been diagnosed, everything seemed to be up to fate and doctors. Friends and relationships are the things that I get to choose. I get to decide with whom I spend time. Where, when and how much I share. So, take your power, keep your chin up, concentrate on your wellness, your support and your life. The rest is just gravy. Take care of yourself and keep on trucking! A fellow melanoma warrior.