Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Little By Little

I'm recovering little by little. This time home is much better than last time after the IL-2 treatment. I did not get any arthritis this time. I can't say enough how grateful I am about that. I don't go back to Riverside until 10/31. Yep, Halloween. At least I get time to recover this time around.

I've also been getting out of the house and visiting friends little by little. My first weekend home I went to a bbq at my bosses house. I thought I would be there for about 2 hours, I ended up sticking around for about 5 hours. It was nice to see my co-workers and just hang out and relax. I sat the whole time so I didn't overdo it. I can't wait until I'm well enough to go back to work. Don't get me wrong, I like staying home :) I just like that it keeps my mind busy and focused on other things. Plus the people are so nice and understanding.

During the week I just stayed home. I think I went to Safeway once. That was my only outing. For several days the furthest I went was my mailbox, which is on my porch. I have some energy, but not a whole lot. I do hate staying home, but I also have a hard time just getting out. I was glad when Linda1 invited my mom & I to Capitola. I had been there before, and knew that downtown was not too big of an area. So my mom & I joined Linda1, Carolyn, Chris & MaryAnn on a day trip to Capitola. It was the most perfect day, not hot or cold. And since the area is pretty small, I got some walking in, but wasn't too exhausted. When we stopped and looked at the shops, most of them had benches out front so I got to sit down and rest a lot, which I needed. Here's a pic of me (Linda2) and Linda1 resting on a bench:

After Capitola there was a birthday party for my angel Serenity, she turned 11. I really wanted to go, but I didn't feel up to driving across town & back. So I missed her party. I was so sad. That was the first party of hers that I missed. I'm sure she understood. But on Sunday I stopped by and spent a little time with her. I took her to get a pearl drink (our fave) and then a game for her Nintendo DS. After that, we called it a day. It wasn't much time that I spent with her, but it's quality over quantity, right? I love my conversations with her, its like being a kid again :)

I'm trying to make time to hang out with friends & family this month since I have a bit more energy than I have in a long time. My weekends are slowly filling up. Everybody has things going on during the weekends! I'm free all week, obviously. So if you have time during the week, call me or stop by my house. Once in a while I won't mind getting out too, I just can't get out everyday. This Thursday I'm actually getting out to have lunch with my co-workers. If you are free, let me know so we can make arrangements to meet up! I'm open to just about anything.

I'm so touched that so many people read this. Sometimes I don't realize how many people are actually interested. Then I get emails that I haven't updated in a while ~ yeah, I've been lagging! Then I get other emails at how moved people are by my story. At times I think it's just me and my immediate family that are affected, because I talk to them and see them daily. It's nice to know that there are others out there who care.

People think I am strong. I don't think I'm as strong as people think I am. I am selfish. Very selfish. I am grateful. Very grateful. What makes me both selfish & grateful at the same time? The fact that if anything happens to me, I will not be in as much pain as those I leave behind. I cannot imagine losing a parent, a daughter, a spouse, a sister or a friend. All of which I am. Just the thought is frightening to me. I hope I never have to experience anything that painful. And I hope those around me don't have to experience anything that painful. I'm here for the long haul.


Anonymous said...

Hi Linda,
I'm one of the ones out here in cyberland who reads your blog...just wanted to let you know I care even though we've never met!
Glad to hear your getting some energy back - :)
Washington State

Anonymous said...

Hi little sis! I have been checking daily sometimes more then once, to see if you psted. I am happy to see you are feeling better. This month at work is Breast cancer awarence month. I sell bracelets for the Susan Komen Foundation. This is at least the 5th year I have done so. Never before has it meant so much. I share your story and many share theirs as well.It is so scary how many people I have meant recently that have been touched either personally or through friends and family.We are trying hard to educate and inspire people to be proactive in the fight for treatment and hopefully a cure.I think of you and my heart aches that I can not be near. I miss you so much. I hope that you know I wish for noting more then your happiness and health. I love you so much. So smile and have a beautiful day filled with sunshine and love.Thinking of you constantly, your biggest fan and admirer, always your big sister Maria P.S. You are not selfish!!!

Anonymous said...

So many roads and times off the beaten path have led us
Back to memory lane .

Here my mind travelled
To familiar places again and again

Stamped here in my mind
Memories I can view
The times remembered I spent
with you.

Many fond recollections
Many sibling like fights
Which I can still find lodged in my mind.

Its here you will always remain
Forever in my heart and mind

Lingering memories of playground days.
Special memories, once more they play.

Forever in my heart and mind it will stay.

The feelings we shared
Down memory lane.

Arguing for nothing, fighting for everything. Strangers by birth, siblings through life.


Hey Linda,

The above was just rambling from the heart. I'm sure after I read it, I will be confused as to what I was trying to convey. I wont proof read my writing until after I send it. It's more true that way. If that makes any sense. I am blessed to have you as part of my life. Although I see you like every 7 to 10 years since we became adults, you still remain in my heart as my family. As does your sister Anna. My family and I will continue to pray for you. God Bless you and your family.

Love your extended family,

Austin Cortez
Austin Jr.