Sunday, January 25, 2009

I'm Home

This has been one hard week. My health has taken a turn for the worst. So this post is actually going to be a little short, even though there is sooo much to type. So I'll be as brief & informational as I can. On Saturday my left leg had got swollen, and the day before Dr Kwong told me he wanted scans to make sure there were no clots. So I was scarred and went to the ER. They did the scans and found nothing, but wanted more opinions so they held me. Everyday new things would arise and tons new tests were being ordered. Test after test, and I'm trying to get well to go See Dr Hamid. Finally, we had to sit down and discuss this whole week that had passed while I was in the hospital. Did I want to keep on doing that. Going after the cancer that's going after me? I know I'm strong - but according to the records, I'm doing by a long shot. So I have now decided to go for more drugs to keep the pain down, and stop fighting the cancer with chemo. It's gonna be hard, but I think I'd rater be that than more poking & prodding, I just can't handle all of these test anymore.

I'm home, just got here today, and hospice has come in and we already have a hospital bed in my room, along with a few other health care needs. I must say I'm having people over, but the less at a time, the better, and small time frames are preferred as I don't have a lot of energy. Also, if you happen to come by, please be noted we do not need anymore food, desserts, flowers or things of the sort, but thanks sooo much for offering. It'd be much easier if there were less of those things around for us all.


TEAM HOGAN said...

Linda, you dont know me. You have never met me but I got your blog link from someone on Facebook.

I lost my husband to Stage IV melanoma 6 months ago. I remember the day hospice set up and how overwhelmed we were with visitors, food and chaos. My advice to you is set up visiting hours in 1/2 hr visit times. Also, I had my husband tell me exactly who he wanted around when his time came so that way he gave us an idea of what he wanted. Make sure that hospice stays on top of your pain...

My husband was 38 and reading your blog breaks my heart. But let me tell you this: we will KEEP FIGHTING to find a cure for melanoma. I promise you that....from a complete stranger.

I wish you peace. I am so sorry. Don't be scared. God will take care of you.

Anna Hogan
Mission Viejo CA

Nancy K said...

Linda, I don't know what to say.
I've been meaning to post for awhile now but I always feel like if I say something I will make you sad.
I can't help but cry when I read your updates , it has taken me nearly half an hour to type this. You are such a wonderful person. I am so very grateful to have met you. I wish I lived closer so I could stop by and give you a hug. You truly are an angel and I feel very blessed to know you!


christina said...

I don't know what to say either.I know that I never got to spend much time with you,(probably because I'm so shy) and now that I live so far away,it's nearly impossible,but I feel like I have gotten to know you more in the last few months then I ever thought I would.My mom would always tell me stories about when you grew up together,(especially on how great of an ice skater you were :) I would give anything right now to give you a hug and tell you how much I love you.I write about melanoma in school all the time.I want people my age to be aware of it.I love you auntie Linda,I miss you so much,and am praying for you everyday. Love,Christina

Anonymous said...

Linda, I have been thinking about you constantly. I don't know what to say,except that I am still in shock. You are the best sister I could hope for. I only wish I could change places with you.You are so special anyone who knows you knows that.You have been through so much and I have harldy ever heard you complain or ask why me.You are truly an inspiration. I am blessed to have you as a sister. You are the the reason I miss home, the only reason.I love you so much and miss you more then words can say. YOur biggest fan,Maria

Raymond said...

linda, not an hour goes by that I do not think of you and what you are going thru. this is the most painful thing I have ever gone thru with someone with so much to give the world, you are an inspiration to your family and too any one that has ever been in contact with you. wish I was there too, but I am happy Anna, Dad and your mom are there with you. God Bless you, love your brother Raymond

Anonymous said...

I am a senior in high school. My mom batteled cancer through my freshman and sophomore years. I will pray for you because not a day goes by that I don't think about why. Why she had cancer, why she had to spend two weeks in a hospital over Christmas break, why she ended up surviving and others do not. My best friend lost her mother to cancer a few years ago. She and her sister are successful, bright and beautiful. God will take care of you and your family. I am not religious but I know that there are forces at work in this world that comfort us in times of saddness and take care of us when we need it the most. Your story touches me so deeply and I am so sorry that this awful disease has come in to your life.
I know you do not want sympathy and I know that you are so gracious for all of the kind things that everyone has done for you but not a day goes by that you do not wish that everything could just be normal again.

Thank you for writing your story, it is one that needs to be told.

Best of luck! Keep fighting! You are in my prayers tonight.

Rick Possert Jr. said...

Linda (and especially you Sebastian), I know that like others have said there are no words that can really do anything for you right now. I do know that hospice is somewhat of a Godsend. We didn't get hospice until Rach's last few days, and I wish we would have got them sooner. You are in good hands. I know like Anna Hogan said how things are right now. I know the bazillions of emotions that the both of you are feeling. Spend as much time as possible with each other; keep telling each other how much you love each other; and most of all, let your emotions go. Don't hold in. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to laugh, laugh. As much as the pain or drugging tiredness allows, touch and hold each other as often as possible. I hope you don't mind, but I shared your story on my Facebook page. I think, like my Rachel's, yours' is a story that needs to be told. The suffering people like you, Rach, and Anna's late husband Brian will save lives. People like Anna and me and countless others will constantly be passing our stories on to try and prevent this from happening. You will save lives. I am so very thankful I have been able to talk with you and read your story. I will pray for you and Sebastian, and call me if either of you wants to talk.

Anonymous said...


Just a note to let you know that I think of you all the time and keep up with your blog. You have made good choices given the situation. Its about the quality of time with your family and friends. Its about how much laughter and joy you can share and memories you can make. Drop as much of the stuff that makes you feel crappy as you can and manage the rest the best you can, focus on each day. If you dont feel like doing something DONT if you feel like doing something DO IT. You have a wonderful family and husband.
Anyway I am sure you have people giving thier opinions left and right, I just wanted you to know Im out there, I care and I am thinking of you.


Anonymous said...


I'm so sorry to hear that things are not going well. I'm so glad you got the opportunity to come to NOLA last April, and I'm glad that we got a chance to say hi to each other in person!

Christa at BE Addicts

Robin Strumlauf said...

Linda - all I can say is God Bless and I'm so glad we met, got to spend some time together on our BE trips and enjoyed the fun times. My son is still wearing the motorcycle helmet you so kindly gave him and it is keeping him safe. I wish we could keep everyone safe from cancer ... and my hopes is someday we will be able to. I think of you often.