Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I've Been Robbed

I've been getting better by the day. I'm still really tired and exhausted, and I'm even eating a little bit here and there. I just ate an oreo cookie! That is a big accomplishment for me nowadays. Before that's just a snack, but today it was a meal.

I've been thinking about why this has all been happening to me. I get so many messages that I'm so strong, courageous, etc. but for some reason I do not see that. I try hard to be positive, but sometimes the negative takes over me. I think today has been a negative day. Why has this disease come in and taken over? I read an email from Petra that she would buy a t-shirt if I published one from my July 5th post. So I went back and read that post. And I feel like I have more to add to it. Have you ever been robbed before? Well, years back our car got broken into and I felt violated. Like someone had gone into our personal space without our permission. Right now I feel the same way. This disease has entered my home without my permission. I am robbed of my time, my energy, my life. I can't even work right now. Like I want to? JK. I do love my job, and the people I work for and with. I don't even know when I can go back, or if I can go back. I look at my dogs and just wish I could walk them, but I can barely get from my living room to my bedroom without getting totally exhausted. And my friends/family. I love to talk/hang out, etc and even that is draining on me. My sister Anna came over the other day and I was really excited. But by the end of her visit, I was lifeless. I got sick less than two minutes of her leaving. Going to the dr's today to do more lab work was a whole days work.

So what's my point. I don't really have one. I just feel like I've been robbed. I want my life back. I just want to be with my friends & family and have no worries. I feel like I'm trapped in this body that's deteriorating and my heart and soul wants to flourish.

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